John 12: 20-36
Did you catch the last part of the Gospel reading? It is easily missable, tucked away as an after thought, almost as if John the evangelist is trying to plant a subliminal seed in our minds. I didn’t discover it until my umpteenth reading, buried there beneath the pile of confusing thoughts and apocalyptic overtones that Jesus is spouting out. But sure enough, right there at the end of Jesus’ speech about his death and his followers being honored by the Father, John confirms what we have all suspected at one time or another. Just when things are most confusing in life and we need God the most, God goes into hiding.
Take a look; it’s right there. Look back at our Gospel reading for today. How does it end? “After Jesus had said this, he departed and hid from them.” This is not the best time for Jesus to be hiding from his disciples. They have all just made their way back up to Jerusalem for their annual trek to participate in the Passover feast. But this year is different than the years before. He keeps dropping hints, like this was going to be their last year doing this. He kept talking about having to “give himself up,” and “do his Father’s will.” They tried to forget about it, but those seeds had taken root in their minds, and they were nervous about what was going to happen. When they entered Jerusalem this time, crowds were waiting for them, for him, waiving palm branches like he was a king, but he rode in on a donkey. Something just wasn’t right about this trip to Jerusalem and they knew it. Finally, the frightening plan starts to bud into fruition, and by the time we get to our reading for today, Jesus says flat out that he is going to die. “The time has come,” he says. And then, just when he drops this bombshell on his disciples, just when he scares them perhaps more than they have ever been scared in their lives, he leaves and he hides from them.
Why is it that God seems to go into hiding as we enter the most confusing and painful times in life? I have a friend who is trying to make a pretty big life decision. He has found himself at one of those crossroads that can affect the rest of his life. He figured that since it was Lent, and since it was a proper thing to do when seeking God’s will, he would fast while he prayed. Once a week, he decided, he would fast in order to try and discern what God’s will is for his life. I asked him last week what he was getting out of his weekly fasting. He said, “hungry.”
I know the feeling. Often my questions for guidance when I am confused, or my answers to thoughts of where is God in the midst of pain are left with an empty void. The question has been asked by much smarter people than me, “where is God when it hurts?” When life is going along pretty well and things are all looking okay, following God’s will isn’t all that difficult. But when it all takes a turn for the worse, and believe me, as some point it will, God seems to go into hiding. Just like Jesus did in John 12.
But what if he wasn’t so much hiding from them as he was hiding in them? Remember we are in John. Maybe that’s what John meant when he recalls Jesus saying “if you are my disciple, you are in me and I in you.” John states very plainly that Jesus, the Word, created everything that is. What’s more, when the Word created everything, he put a piece of himself in all. For John, Jesus, and God, are everywhere. There is no hiding when you are everywhere. So what if this Word who is the creator of everything, who made everything and is in everything, can’t really hide because he is everywhere? Is it possible that we miss God in those most painful or confusing times because God is too big to be seen, too present to be noticed? What if God’s hiding, rather than pointing to God’s absence, points to God’s ubiquity?
Maybe that’s what Jesus was talking about with this grain of wheat business. Molly and I spent all morning yesterday working in our yard. It was our first real yard day since we moved into our house, and the neighbors were practically standing on the curb applauding as we came out of the house, yard tools in hand to tackle the much neglected jungle. We cut back bushes that needed to be cut back long before we moved in. We raked leaves that had been neglected since the fall (yes, I am aware that it is now officially spring). We bagged debris and hauled truckloads to the dump. But you know what the most amazing thing about our time in the yard yesterday? Scattered all around our yard were dozens of bushes and flowers that were springing up, beautifully blooming in spite of our neglect. It was almost as if God was hidden in all of that mess, like the seeds of the tulips hiding beneath the soil, springing forth life.
God is hidden all over the world, all throughout our lives, like a grain of wheat, hidden beneath the messy soil, waiting to spring forth life. Now before you feel too warm and fuzzy about that, remember that Jesus asked for followers. God is looking for some people who are willing to be hidden in the world, barely noticeable at first glance. People who hide themselves in the mess, who dig deep down into the pains of the world and plant themselves there, working to spring forth life. Jesus calls them disciples. Jesus’ disciples give their lives away so that others might live. This, this giving away our lives in the name of Christ, this is the hidden secret of life. Or in Jesus’ words, “Those who love their lives will lose it, but those who lose their lives, for my sake, will find eternal life.”
In a moment we are going to move toward the table. Here, God will plant Godself deep within us. We will ingest the very presence of God and having feasted as such, God will be hidden within us.
Follow suit. Having God hidden within you, go and hide yourself in the world. Plant yourself deep within the mess of others, and give your life away so that others may have life.
You know….bear fruit.
